Wow! Yeah I know this post is going to be long so… sorry in advance!
I’ve had a repetitive message going on in my life… actually LIVING it. It started almost a year ago when I broke up with a guy who was just using me until he found something better and my mom told me I need to just enjoy being single. I really started doing that because I was living in the danger depressing world of “somedays.” I realized I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do I was always doing whatever the guys I dated wanted to do. I didn’t really have me. It kind of faded away for a little bit until a few weeks ago. I went snowboarding with my bro and he was trying to teach me to go toe-side, which I can’t do since I like to see where I am going. At one point as he was chilling with me in the snow and he pointed out how much of life is not lived because of fear. I started to think about it and decided he was right. If I could get rid of my fear I could be a pretty decent snowboarder. I realized again last week when I was ice-skating with my friend BG that I really am scared of a lot of things. I am afraid of getting physically (I don’t have time for that), I don’t like to be vulnerable and I avoid dating someone that actually has potential because I don’t want to be vulnerable and I really think I am a little afraid of commitment, but I also want to be in a committed relationship. It’s a disgusting contradiction. I am afraid of really messing up my life and going down the wrong path. I am afraid of spending large amounts of money… especially on myself. I recently tried to get over that by booking myself a cruise for my graduation present, expensive- of course. Worth it? Absolutely! Well this message has been coming more and more lately and has been more intense and I find myself FULL of wanderlust. I have this insane desire to LIVE. I am sick of putting stuff off.
Yesterday just kind of blew up in my face too and I just feel like I am doing something wrong. The one guy I was supposed to meet from online NEVER text me, and hadn’t since Wednesday. So that just didn’t happen. Then Boston was IM-ing me all day at work, telling me that we should get together and how attracted he is to me and how when I started there I was a huge distraction to him. We were going to hang out later last night and… yeah. You guessed it, nothing. He went and got a tattoo and then yeah… apparently it was all up to me to decide what to do?
So I got to thinking today about last Monday. I went to FHE (Family Home Evening) which is a weekly church activity where we get together for a small lesson and to socialize. The girl teaching brought up this TED talk that had changed her life it is called “Why 30 is not the new 20.” What she said about it just intrigued me. So… I listened to it today and it just BLEW my mind! Meg Jay the woman talking just had so many good points. These are a few things that stuck out to me:
- Twenty-somethings have nothing, but time!
- The best time to work on a marriage is before you have one.
- The 20’s are not a developmental downtime, but a developmental sweet spot!
- Claiming your 20’s is one of the simplest yet most transformative things you can do.
- 3 things to do to claim your 20’s are: 1- get identity capital (investing in who you want might want to be next) Do something that adds to who you are. Explore and make it count. LIVE YOUR LIFE! “Identity capital begets identity capital.” 2- The urban tribe is overrated. New things come from our weaker ties. 3- The time to start picking your future family is now!
- Be as intentional with love as you are with work. be with who and what you want instead of just making it work or killing time. Mindfully choose the man! (I felt that deserved its own bullet)
- One good moment/TED talk/conversation can effect generations….
(source:http://www.ted.com/talks/meg_jay_why_30_is_not_the_new_20.html)
I was blown away! I needed all of that! I am not living my life like I should. I am not investing in identity capital…. I want so much, but I am not doing all that I can to get it! Honestly I am guilty of the “just killing time” style of dating. Boston was going to be that…. He and I are so different I just can’t see it working out. As I have mentioned before I am LDS, and well… that means a lot to me. He is not and this usually doesn’t work out. I don’t believe in having sex until after marriage and he doesn’t care about that. I don’t mean to sound like a stuck up Mormon girl, I just think sharing faith is super important. I just can’t see this being anything more than a fling and I just don’t know if it would be worth it… I don’t want to just “kill time.” Besides if I have learned anything from the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, if a guy wants something to happen, he will make it happen! I live by that. I have tried to make it happen myself and it always goes bad really fast, so I’ve decided to roll with the games. Its up to the woman to accept the invitation that starts everything, but then it is back to the guy to keep it going. Kinda dumb, but true.
I really do feel like faith is part of the identity capital. We were chatting about that at church today. We talked about why it would be important to know that we are actually children of God and for me, it gives me a layer of identity. Having a relationship with my father in heaven gives me strength to keep going on bad days and someone to thank when it is all good. Another part of that is my belief in my savior Jesus Christ. He is the older brother who continually and unconditionally loves. They both have done so much for me. They listen when I need someone to talk to and I feel them near when I need someone. I have not always felt this way, I had my doubts if God was real, if my words were sticking to the ceiling and I was really just talking to myself like a crazy person, but I know that is not the case. I wondered if he even cared about me when sucky things happened, but now I know he does. Sometimes it is impossible to express feelings in words… but feelings are real no matter the reason. Identity capital is to help you be who you want to be, to give you depth. If religion is the base, that’s pretty solid. Then you just add on the rest; adventure, experience, and just trying to be a good person. Aka “depth.” 🙂
I feel like that is something achievable. Something worth working toward and for. What else bring identity capital?
Una Vida Vivida 