Success!

Wow, I missed December and January! Lame! I thought I had written once since then… Man life has been crazy! Crazy good!

Anyway, Christmas turned out better than I thought it would. My guy got me a Braves t-shirt, a zebra adult onsie (as a joke, it was something I mentioned to him once WEEKS before… so thoughtful!), and a head massager. He already knew me even though we had only been dating for 2 months.

He met my family at a little Christmas get together and they all loved him! A week later, I got my first New Years kiss. Yes, I am aware of how sad that is that I have never gotten that and I am 26.

A couple weeks after that it was my guy’s birthday… I got him a box full of little things that make me think about him. Mostly just corny things, but he liked the blanket I made him so much I figured more thoughtful was the way to go. He thanked me after each thing he pulled out of the box and at the end when he looked through the photo album I gave him he just got up and gave me a huge hug! I love giving him gifts, he gets so excited about them and he is so freaking appreciative! I had asked him previously what his favorite food was and ventured into the world of grilling meat… other than hamburgers. I made him a steak which elicited an “Oh babe…” he said no one has ever done that for him, and that his old-fashioned side just thought it was so amazing. I don’t tell this to get recognition for myself, but because I have never felt so much like I going out of my way for someone to make them feel special.

I realized I love him so completely in the way that I wanted to be loved and it makes me so happy to do so.

Anyway what does all of this have to do with Success since that is what I named this post? What is your definition of success? I had a trainer/ life coach who gave me a challenge to define success. I realized I consider success a balance. When I feel like I have a sense that my life is balanced (work, school, dating, family, church, etc…) then I feel like I am successful.

For a moment I thought my life was completely out of whack, I was letting my anxiety get the best of me and I about pushed my guy out. He left for a cruise with his family for a week and it was right after a family member had died and I just started tripping out after he got home, but one thing or another was getting in the way of us picking up our relationship to keep it progressing. They were really just things that couldn’t be helped… I spazzed out and he just handled it like a pro. He was very understanding of my fear due to previous relationships and was super reassuring even while he was feeling like crap.

I even had an anxiety attack a week later and we went out later that night after I had calmed down and when I was kind of explaining it to him, I got done and I was just feeling really stupid… A few seconds after I stopped he reached across the table and put his hand on my folded arms. I looked at him and he was just looking at me so lovingly and just so… tenderly. It was so amazing! He did the perfect thing… he just listened and showed support. Just thinking about it gets me a little emotional. Haha

He is seriously so amazing, I sometimes just can’t believe he is real. I met his parents and went to dinner with them. This past weekend I went to lunch with his whole family… I LOVE them. They are the kindest welcoming people I have met! His mom always tells me how glad she is that I came or how good it is to see me. It means so much to me that she feels that way! His family is a family I’ve always wanted to be part of… they are so tight, but not like where they can’t breathe, but they do stuff together and they talk quite a bit. It’s awesome!

After lunch with his family we went to this huge sports store and goofed off, taking pics, kissing in tent displays, sword-fighting and throwing balls at each other. Laughing about things we saw and just laughing together. This is what I have always dreamed of in a relationship… It is weird to believe it is really right here in front of my face!

I am so grateful for him and he is really becoming a best friend to me… We’ve gotten really close as friends in the last 3 1/2 months. I couldn’t be more grateful that he doesn’t throw my life off balance, but rather compliments it and helps stabilize it when I am having a rough day.

I am so lucky! And so far… Success! 🙂

Is This Real?

Wow. For real. This cannot be happening… I am not ready for this nor do I know how to handle it. I’m on vacation in California with my family for the holiday and I have left my guy at home. I cannot believe how much I miss him and how many times I have thought about walking away from it. I HATE feeling vulnerable and I didn’t really want to talk about him, but my dad announced to everyone that I have a bf. Yes, it has been that long that this is HUGE news even though we haven’t made it official.

I woke up to the BEST surprise though on Thanksgiving morning. I was planning on sending him a text that morning with all the things that I am grateful for that he has done. I didn’t want to be overwhelming or seem weirdly desperate or whatever so I thought I would send it later in the day. Well before I got out of bed that morning he sent me a text. He is not a good morning texter by nature so I was especially excited when I saw his name. I opened it up to read the following: “good morning beautiful! Happy thanksgiving! I am so thankful you took a chance and went out with me. So now I have you in my life!!” Day= TOTALLY made! I almost started crying. (I am pretty tender hearted by nature) I have never ever in my life had a guy I was dating send me something like that. He tells me every day that he misses me too. Can I just say “I miss you” in Spanish is just soooo much more meaningful and attractive. Just melts me. I adore that guy. I cannot even begin to express how much I adore him.

I love feeling like I matter to someone that matters to me. I love my family, but I am counting down the days til I can see this wonderful guy. He is the best thing that has happened to me! We just barely became Facebook friends and he really wanted to follow me on Instagram which once he did he liked all of the pics with him that I had posted. I am having a hard time believing this is real! Part of me wants to run before he can turn on me and make me want to cry or whatever. I just hate the risk and vulnerability… It is too scary for me! I guess you just have to find someone worth taking a risk for, but you can never truly know they are worth it until you take that leap and they help you fly.

Life is About Balance… But It’s Okay to Be Excited

So… it’s been awhile. And I lied in my last post. This one will also be about dating. This one is good though!

Life is really good right now, it isn’t perfect, but I love it. My job has gotten even better and I even received a compliment from one of my bosses when we were running a report and it was better than he thought and he said “Are you really that good?!” Indirect as it was, I appreciated what was behind it! I realized I was starting to become quite the pessimist, but I sometimes feel like optimists are somewhat delusional. I’ve decided to just be grateful for everything that is good in my life and not worry so much about anything else. I get sick of the energy drain that comes from having any negative emotion, so I am doing all I can to get that out of my life as much as possible! I’m trying to just improve my life in all ways that I can, and so far so good! I just moved out of my apartment and into a house that my friend recently bought. Grad school is moving right along. I thought strongly about moving to GA because I just wanted a real change in my life. Not just a small one. Grad school was a change, moving was a change, but I was looking for something more. I was feeling really good about it.

I had also decided avoiding dating wasn’t benefiting me in any real way. I figured there was a balance that needed to be achieved between really giving it a shot, but also not losing it and jumping in right away. I wanted to be over all of my exes completely so I could go into dating without any biases and wounds to punish the new person for. I wanted to be whole and so happy being single that I could actually be stable in a relationship and not desperate or closed off. So I decided to go for the dating apps again. I downloaded Hot or Not out of curiosity, and I downloaded one called Meetinghouse that is an LDS dating app which is apparently only made for iPhones. (The things you find when searching LDS dating!) I figured Meetinghouse would make things easier in a way, since religion would already be understood. I actually did meet some cool guys, but they either wanted to meet right away (which sketches me out) or they gave up when they found out I was LDS (on Hot or Not). I met some guys on Meetinghouse too. Some that I was shocked were on there (holy inappropriate!) and some that were weird… I’m searching for a balance between taking religion seriously and still being real, not fanatic or trying to sound super spiritual.

Anyway I met one guy and we chatted and it was cool, pretty standard talking about work and interests. Then he actually asked for my number officially and didn’t just give me his or imply that he wanted it. I liked that. We would chat here and there. I confessed my weird love for ducks and he just laughed and then used it to start conversation later. We had some pretty funny and stupid conversations that would just make me laugh. He asked me out to a concert, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that for our first meeting and so I told him I was behind on my homework and needed to catch up. That was partially true… I really did think I was behind. Then he asked me out a little while later, but I was busy. You would think a guy would give up after that, because 2 rejections usually is where they quit. I wasn’t trying to get him to quit necessarily. I wasn’t totally sure I wanted to meet him, but I wasn’t totally against it either. Well then he asked me to a haunted house and we doubled with one of his friends and that guy’s gf. It was seriously so much fun! I was practically crying all night from laughing so hard! I really wanted to hold his hand, which is odd because I am usually against physical contact with a guy on a first date. It’s usually a subconscious thing too! My subconscious seemed to really liked him though!

We went on another date a week later. We went to a snowmobile expo where I met a few of his high school friends. They were nice. I could tell they were wondering if we were dating and for how long. They asked how I got mixed up with him and I just replied with a safe answer… “I don’t know” which got them laughing. 🙂 Then we hung out with the same couple from the week before and watched a movie and had pizza. Again there was a lot of laughing! My guy got into tickling me and thinking it was so funny and we ended up just cuddling. We talked to his buddy for awhile after we left the gf’s house and my guy just stood there talking hugging me from behind. One of my most FAVORITE things! Then we went back to my apartment and were joking about stuff and then BAM! He kissed me. It was AMAZING!

We still talk all the time and tomorrow will be date #3! I’m so excited and I realized that for once I’m okay with it. Usually I keep my expectations low so I am not disappointed. Now, I feel like I should just let it happen and enjoy it as it comes! He’s not throwing me out of balance like every other guy has. I try to give him space and he doesn’t take it. He doesn’t always demand my time. His texting isn’t incessant it’s nicely spaced. 🙂

So here I am excited and twitterpated! Yay!