Coming back….

Wow! It has been awhile! So just a heads up this one is mainly about dating. I am trying to be more diverse and I promise my next post will not be about dudes.

So the pre-date… So this guy I met on the cruise I went on for graduation. Different from the one who cheated on me. This guy actually lives somewhat close to me in a neighboring city. Well he asked me out a few weeks back right after I ended things with Idaho this guy who wanted to marry me 3 weeks after we met.Okay a little back story needed here. Yes, I know I have no real room to judge as I have done basically the same thing, BUT unluckily for him I had made a goal the day before I met him (aka my bday) that I would not fall in love between the ages of 26 and 27. I want just one year of my life to be free from heartache due to this dating shananigans. I am still dating, but not jumping in. I am really just trying to be healthy about it and make friends. So Idaho was very disappointed when I caught onto his scheme of just wanting a babysitter for his 2 kids and someone to have sex with. When all is said and done that was his goal and everyone could tell. I am not getting married unless I have dated the dude for quite some time and we are friends and I’m crazy crazy crazy in love.

ANYWAY back to the pre-date, so new guy asks me out to a concert that is/was (at the time) a month away. Well then we realized that was forever away so we set up another date, the “pre-date” as he calls it. This happened a couple of weeks ago and it was great! We went and road the Alpine slide and rollercoaster, laughed a lot, and took lots of pics. Then we went to dinner and I taught him to use Instagram and a photo collage app. Then the night continued to going to see a movie. Seriously it was great I loved it! Well then through some scheduling conflicts and then working them out we ended up with a third date planned before the 2nd had even happened. That one is tonight. We are just friends though and he made it clear last week when he told me about his woes of not being able to find a girl to take to a concert last weekend. Normally I would have been jealous but **PROGRESS MOMENT** I really didn’t care. I have been trying to find balance in my life and I finally have gotten a pretty good grip. It’s not perfect, but I feel more balanced than I have in a long time. Plus I ran the Tough Mudder last Saturday, so I was not in the mood to stand at a concert with my body all beat up the way it was. I’m not quite sure we are clicking on any other level anyway. So anyway there’s that guy…

Now to the point of this post… Well Sunday night as I was hanging out at my parent’s house I get a text and I don’t know who it is, since it is not a number I have saved in my phone. I ended up having to admit that I must have deleted the person since it is not bringing up a name. Do y’all remember AZ from about when I started this blog? He never seemed to be in it emotionally, it was all about the physical for him? I broke it off with him around Valentine’s Day. Welp, it was him. We have had a couple one time texts in the last 7 months, but it had really been awhile. Anyway he came back. He apologized for being a jerk, told me it was smart of me to leave because he didn’t value me, but he was wanting back into my life (although unsure to what capacity) he apologized like 4 times while we were talking and told me he would do all he could not to betray my trust. He missed me,he didn’t say it outright but he was remembering things from when we dated like they were fond memories. He also apologized for a few specific things.

Gotta be honest. I didn’t see that coming.

I didn’t tell him it was okay and that it happens. I agreed that he was a jerk, but that I forgive him. He told me to take my time deciding if I want him back in my life, he is in no rush. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about him on and off over these past months wishing he had been different and that he had cared. I would sometimes wish something like this would happen, but now that it was, I couldn’t help but be apprehensive. I’ve told him I am and that I want to know this is a legit thing and not just something to take care of loneliness or something. He told me he understands that and can’t blame me for wondering. He is trying to keep it from seeming like it is like that. Part of me wants to just accept him with open arms (stupid feelings are still there), but self-preservation is saying thank him for the apology and run. Then my curiosity is saying stay, but with a guard up and see if it is real….

Curiosity is winning.

So yeah AZ came back…. and I have no idea how to feel.

It’s Rainin’ Men!

Wow, I am really glad I have this blog sometimes! I just need a space to throw some stuff down sometimes and I really hope if someone stumbles onto it that it helps them. If nothing more than to help them not feel so alone in the craziness we call life!

Update: School is killing me, but it is my last semester so I just keep telling myself “you can do anything for 15 weeks!” Which is true, but it is getting harder to remember… or rather believe. haha

The new job… I had a hard time during training to decide whether or not I loved it like I did when I interviewed, but then it dawned on me yesterday why I liked it then and now. Everyone there gets along… like literally. There are a ton of women working there too! I don’t like to hate on my own gender, but we’ve all worked with lots of women and they can tend to be catty… true? Of course it is! It is really like a dysfunctional family, that functions like every family since the beginning of time! I learned to love it again! Anyway, more to the point of this blog…

So I started work and I have this coworker who just totally welcomed me! He’s super funny and always had me laughing, plus he’s really good at what he does so I liked shadowing him. He’s obsessed with the Red Sox and… well, Star Wars. That seems strange to me, but anyway we will refer to him as Boston from here on out. At one point I was waiting to go to another part of training and he asked me what I was doing since I was just standing there. I told him I was just standing there looking pretty. Side note: Usually when I say things like that people roll their eyes or just laugh, because they know I am not being that seriously conceited. Anyway Boston tells me he “agrees completely” I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say back (it is hard to render me speechless, yet there I was). This weekend he was chatting with me on IM and I was starting to wonder if he wasn’t friendly just cuz like I had thought. Then he goes and accuses me of being attracted to him because of how much I smile around him. I admit part of me does like him, but I was really smiling in anticipation for the next crazy comment he would make! Anyway Monday when I get there he starts chatting with me and we are obviously flirting then at one point he walks by and drops off his number on a sticky note!!! What the?! I was starting to wonder how much they monitor the chats so in a way I was grateful for the #, but come on man ask me for mine!!! Sheesh! So backwards.

So we start in on the chatting over text and he straight up admits to wanting to date me… I would totally have gone along with this except we are from 2 crazy different worlds and I am aiming for certain things that he can’t help me achieve in his present state. Never mind that we haven’t known each other long! So I told him we could be friends right now and yeah… he won’t really talk to me anymore. Even though he said it was fine! Ugh GUYS!!!

I also re-entered the world of online dating and have already found a guy that is practically throwing himself at me and we haven’t even met! For real! I’m sure he is sweet and all, but man… the games that I hate in dating are real and I realized some of them I agree with like at least play a LITTLE hard to get. Ignore me once in awhile, but not for too long. Let me miss you, but love me to death in between so I know its all good. I don’t feel like that is too much to ask! I just feel like he is trying too hard and I will never get to know him for him. That bugs.  So anyway I have a date with one guy on Saturday that seems cool, really cool actually. We shall see how that goes! I’ll see Boston again tomorrow and we’ll see how that goes! The guys in my life are giving me headaches left and right… and I only gave y’all a brief glimpse, due to lack of time! Good grief!

It is definitely raining men, but I am not thinkin hallelujah right now. I’m thinking I should duck and run for cover! 🙂