Coming back….

Wow! It has been awhile! So just a heads up this one is mainly about dating. I am trying to be more diverse and I promise my next post will not be about dudes.

So the pre-date… So this guy I met on the cruise I went on for graduation. Different from the one who cheated on me. This guy actually lives somewhat close to me in a neighboring city. Well he asked me out a few weeks back right after I ended things with Idaho this guy who wanted to marry me 3 weeks after we met.Okay a little back story needed here. Yes, I know I have no real room to judge as I have done basically the same thing, BUT unluckily for him I had made a goal the day before I met him (aka my bday) that I would not fall in love between the ages of 26 and 27. I want just one year of my life to be free from heartache due to this dating shananigans. I am still dating, but not jumping in. I am really just trying to be healthy about it and make friends. So Idaho was very disappointed when I caught onto his scheme of just wanting a babysitter for his 2 kids and someone to have sex with. When all is said and done that was his goal and everyone could tell. I am not getting married unless I have dated the dude for quite some time and we are friends and I’m crazy crazy crazy in love.

ANYWAY back to the pre-date, so new guy asks me out to a concert that is/was (at the time) a month away. Well then we realized that was forever away so we set up another date, the “pre-date” as he calls it. This happened a couple of weeks ago and it was great! We went and road the Alpine slide and rollercoaster, laughed a lot, and took lots of pics. Then we went to dinner and I taught him to use Instagram and a photo collage app. Then the night continued to going to see a movie. Seriously it was great I loved it! Well then through some scheduling conflicts and then working them out we ended up with a third date planned before the 2nd had even happened. That one is tonight. We are just friends though and he made it clear last week when he told me about his woes of not being able to find a girl to take to a concert last weekend. Normally I would have been jealous but **PROGRESS MOMENT** I really didn’t care. I have been trying to find balance in my life and I finally have gotten a pretty good grip. It’s not perfect, but I feel more balanced than I have in a long time. Plus I ran the Tough Mudder last Saturday, so I was not in the mood to stand at a concert with my body all beat up the way it was. I’m not quite sure we are clicking on any other level anyway. So anyway there’s that guy…

Now to the point of this post… Well Sunday night as I was hanging out at my parent’s house I get a text and I don’t know who it is, since it is not a number I have saved in my phone. I ended up having to admit that I must have deleted the person since it is not bringing up a name. Do y’all remember AZ from about when I started this blog? He never seemed to be in it emotionally, it was all about the physical for him? I broke it off with him around Valentine’s Day. Welp, it was him. We have had a couple one time texts in the last 7 months, but it had really been awhile. Anyway he came back. He apologized for being a jerk, told me it was smart of me to leave because he didn’t value me, but he was wanting back into my life (although unsure to what capacity) he apologized like 4 times while we were talking and told me he would do all he could not to betray my trust. He missed me,he didn’t say it outright but he was remembering things from when we dated like they were fond memories. He also apologized for a few specific things.

Gotta be honest. I didn’t see that coming.

I didn’t tell him it was okay and that it happens. I agreed that he was a jerk, but that I forgive him. He told me to take my time deciding if I want him back in my life, he is in no rush. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about him on and off over these past months wishing he had been different and that he had cared. I would sometimes wish something like this would happen, but now that it was, I couldn’t help but be apprehensive. I’ve told him I am and that I want to know this is a legit thing and not just something to take care of loneliness or something. He told me he understands that and can’t blame me for wondering. He is trying to keep it from seeming like it is like that. Part of me wants to just accept him with open arms (stupid feelings are still there), but self-preservation is saying thank him for the apology and run. Then my curiosity is saying stay, but with a guard up and see if it is real….

Curiosity is winning.

So yeah AZ came back…. and I have no idea how to feel.

Plot Change!!!

Wow. That’s about all I can say for what happened today….

So this morning I woke up and I had dreamt about Arizona… So weird. It’s been awhile for us. I haven’t even talked to him in about a month. I had been thinking about him on and off for the past week or so. Well I tend to have dreams that mean something, so if I dream about someone I usually contact them just to make sure there isn’t a reason I dreamed about them… So I sent him a text just to tell him hi and tell him I hope everything is going well. He then told me he had been thinking about me lately and wanted to apologize for what happened when we were seeing each other. More specifically that he made me feel like it was all about a physical connection. That he was starting to like me and that he had fun spending time with me. I was shocked. That was not at all the reaction I was expecting. Then I told my mom that he had apologized as well as some news with some extended family and all she sent back was “Finally! :)” and she was talking about Arizona… She thought it was great that he had come around. I thought for sure she was going to remind me what a jerk he had been. haha

The weirdest part is… I feel like my heart is beating again. I mean… I’ve been meeting these other guys. I dropped SC because he couldn’t just be friends and I felt like he was smothering me and then he was a jerk about it. Arizona just took it when I ended it with him and even complimented me. I just haven’t been able to get into the dating thing… then just the thought of being with Arizona again, I don’t know… kind of makes me feel alive again. So corny I know. I want to go slow of course… as does he. We’ve decided to see each other and just let it flow and well, just see what happens. I am trying very hard not to jump back in with both feet, but I feel different about him. I have from the beginning… I’m not going to lose it though, I just can’t.

We’re going to dinner on Wednesday. 🙂